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Some Like It Hot...Others, Not So Much.
With Summer in full swing in the Northern Hemisphere, the temperatures have been high. But does people's pleasure and desire increase with the temps?
I recently wondered this out loud on Instagram, and I was (unsurprisingly) fascinated by the responses. I also was curious about people's interest in temperature play, which is exactly as it sounds - using temperature like heat and cold during pleasure activities.
With Summer in full swing in the Northern Hemisphere, the temperatures have been high. But does people's pleasure and desire increase with the temps?
I recently wondered this out loud on Instagram, and I was (unsurprisingly) fascinated by the responses. I also was curious about people's interest in temperature play, which is exactly as it sounds - using temperature like heat and cold during pleasure activities. And of course, I need to know if y’all are staying hydrated because I care about you. 🫰
Below are the original story posts, followed by the results of each poll.
The most fascinating thing about these type of surveys is that it pretty much shows how everyone falls on some sort of spectrum and that “normal” is extremely varied. There weren’t any “right” or “wrong” answers, because personal preference and informed consent is not about “right” or “wrong.” I want to be clear that personal preference when it comes to other people’s physical traits is NOT what I’m referring to. That’s a whole different conversation. These polls have specifically about the individual’s personal experiences.
For the first question, “How does the hot weather affect your desire?”, most folks are trying to stay relatively comfortable during sexy times. It’s already going to get hot and heavy - and I’m talking about the heat and humidity depending on where you’re living! A 53% majority said that they would prefer to be playing in an air conditioned space. 31% were honest about how the heat does not make them feel H-O-T-T-O-G-O, and 16% said that their desire levels rise along with the temps. Definitely makes me curious about what other types of activities these folks like to participate in during warmer weather - sexy or not!
The second question asks, “What temps do you like to play with?” Interestingly, 53% said cold type play, like ice cubes perhaps! 20% said they liked adding a little extra heat, which may include wax or candle play. And an honest 27% said that temperature play was not their jam. Part of me definitely wonders if people’s answers are influenced by how hot it’s been. Would the answers be a little different in the middle of winter?
The third question was purely me checking in on y’all. 😘 I’m a person that always has my water bottle on me, so I’m constantly trying to stay hydrated. Not that I’m always hydrated, mind you. 😂 I sometimes need to pay attention to how much I’m drinking as well. That being said, I know some people simply aren’t interested in non-flavored water. Also, we can get hydration from other sources other than H2O. I’m glad that people are aware enough to know where they fall on the hydration spectrum, where 50% said they also keep their water bottle handy, 20% acknowledged that they needed to work on their hydration, 17% relies on their iced coffees, and 13% focus on fresh fruits. Yay for everyone who were down to answer this one!
Do any of the results suprise you? What other questions would you want me to ask about in my Instagram stories?
Interested in products that heat things up?
Check out the Kiah in the Mer-Made for Pleasure Shop! This vibe has a warm-up setting, in addition to vibration on both the internal and external stimulators.
Designed for both external and internal stimulation, this novice-friendly rabbit combines buttery soft ridges, turbo boost technology, and gentle warmth. Kiah’s 3 vibration speeds, 17 modes, and sensory play features allow users to re-explore their sexuality with every use.
Prefer a bit of a chill?
Check out Love Button in the Mer-Made for Pleasure Shop! A little goes a long way with this little tingling balm, especially since it has peppermint oil in the ingredients!
Reproductive Justice and Pleasure: Past, Present, and Future
Note: The Reproductive Justice and Pleasure Timeline was originally created on a physical brown poster paper for a presentation at Pleasure Pie’s Reproductive Justice Salon in 2023. It was then adapted and modified to be added to Pleasure Pie’s Abortion Saves Lives Zine. And now, I present the Reproductive Justice and Pleasure Timeline here. May this energize you into action.
Self Love 🤝🏼 Community Love
Self Love 🤝🏼 Community Love
If you’re like me, you might be oversaturated with conflicting images on your social media. I know I am. Normal every day content from random folks interspersed with horrendous images and videos coming out of Gaza and the West Bank in Palestine.
How could I possibly think about self love at this time? How could any of us?
Babes, I’m here to remind you that loving yourself is not exclusive from loving and caring for others. I believe that you and I are capable of loving more than one thing or person or concept. You can practice self love while also caring about the ongoing genocide. Self care is community care. Community care is self care.
Now, what does that look like? Can you still take a spa day, get a massage, treat yourself to a mani-pedi, and indulge in nourishing and delicious treats? Yes, babes, go ahead. I’m not here to police you.
AND I'm here to offer several ideas on how to practice self love in this extremely difficult time in the world.
In a Hallmark Card-created holiday, of course the emphasis is on how to spend your money. Self love becomes easily commodified. Sure, if you feel so inclined to shop for a new toy for yourself, I hope you’d stop by my (newly updated with new products!) shop. More than anything, I want you to remember that pleasure is the measure. I want YOU to feel connected to your body, curious about what feels good, and in control of your own pleasure liberation. That also means that you believe that pleasure should be available for everyone, and you will be an active participant in making it more accessible to everyone.
So, let’s get to it, shall we?
13 Ways to Practice Self Love As Community Love
1. Get Your Hands “Dirty”
Whether you want to stick your hands in plants or stick your hands in your pants (though, not plants followed by your pants, please!!), getting in touch with nature is an amazing way to practice self love. Whether you’re a plant pro or a newer plant parent (like me!), sticking your hands in some dirt can feel wonderful and renewing. Taking care of plants is taking care of the earth, even if you’re not gardening in a plot or yard. It’s important, however, to be aware of more sustainable ways to have indoor plants.
Now, if you’re going to stick your hand in your pants..well, there are plenty of self-love benefits to this - from all those feel-good hormones to the afterglow of orgasm. Get back to basics by using your own hands instead of a toy to change it up and keep it feeling new.
2. Water Healing
If you have access to a natural body of water - like a lake, river, pond, ocean, even a brook - I highly recommend spending some time near it. Take a brief stroll around it. Bring polyurethane gloves and a trash bag. Pick up any trash you see along the way. I can almost guarantee that you will feel a little bit healed afterward.
Of course, staying hydrated and lubricating during sexy time are great ways to get that self love in. I hope you’re using reusable water bottles and reusable travel mugs whenever you’re out and about. And if you need an extra reminder, you can slap a “Hydrate/Lubricate/Masturbate” sticker on your bottle. While you’re at it, consider going to Little Miss Flint’s Instagram and supporting her and the city of Flint, MI, which still doesn’t have sufficient clean water access.
3. Digital Detox
I want to be very clear that I do not mean disconnecting from what’s happening around the world. I want you to continue to be aware of what’s happening. It doesn’t benefit you to be ignorant, and if you want to argue with me about that then you can stop reading and move along to some white lady in yoga pants whose motto is “Nama-stay in bed.”
Anywhose…There’s a really fine line between staying informed and doom scrolling. You can pick and choose specific sources to get your information, and choose to do so at specific points throughout the day. I know many of us have been checking in on Palestinian journalists, so I don’t want to dissuade you from that. However, if it’s getting late, take a break. Set a timer if you need to. You can also spend your digital detox time by hitting that unfollow button on social media accounts that do not bring value to your life. You don’t have to stay connected to your Trump-loving auntie on Facebook. You don’t have to listen to the influencer that makes you feel more critical about your body. It will feel so amazing to release them!
4. Get Creative
Remember all those intricate coloring books you bought during the pandemic, or that crochet project you forgot about. Or maybe there’s a new recipe you want to try! There’s so many ways to create without spending too much money or any money at all. Perhaps there’s a sign-making event happening for you locally, or some free event at your local library. Create a simple doodle, play with different features on Canva, or create a zine!
Or, if you’re like me who doesn’t feel super confident about their drawing skills, you can print out a zine and distribute it to your local book stores, Little Free Library posts, or even to friends! Check out Pleasure Pie’s free zines about Palestine available in PDF format! If you don’t have access to a printer, feel free to forward it along to a friend!
5. Nourish and Move Your Body
This is the part where I also remind you that we don’t do fatphobia or eugenics here. Everyone of every body size, shape, and ability deserves to feel nourished and free to move however they want. More often than not, the biggest barrier for folks is fatphobia. It prevents them from seeking care because of the fear of being shamed or mistreated or misdiagnosed - because those are real things that can occur.
You deserve to feel joy in your body the way you want to, the way you consent to. Whether that be through mini dance party breaks during your work day or a boba on your way to your next errand, I’m here to emphatically say, Hell yes! If you do actually need a little encouragement, a little cheerleading, I’m here! Send me a little message, I’ll gladly cheer you on! If you’re looking for some body positive movement, I highly recommend The Underbelly! It’s an app that features the amazing Jessamyn Stanley leading you through joyful yoga movements! I also highly recommend finding out if there are any Dabke troupes in your area! Here’s one in the Boston area! Dabke is a traditional line dance that has roots in the Levant region, including Lebanon, Syria, and Palestine.
6. Rest Your Body
Maybe this one is also a message to me, a notorious night owl who will do her whole face routine even if it’s 1am (Taurus Sun). I want to be clear that I don’t proclaim to be proficient at any of these suggestions. This list is as much as a reminder for me as it is for the rest of us.
We are raised in a society that measures our worth based on what we’re able to produce - work, products, sales, babies…the pressure is real and unrealistic. It doesn’t have to be this way. Yes, we do have to work in order to live within a capitalist society. No, we don’t have to run ourselves ragged in order to do so. Take that PTO, do nothing for a day, sleep in or lounge in bed all day. Going for a walk or stretching is another way to rest your body, too. Do something restorative. If you need reminders, check out The Nap Ministry’s Rest Deck!
7. Learn Something New
Y’all know that I’m a huge nerd. There’s so much really interesting information out there. Like, did you know that our solar system moves through the universe like this?? Do you know about all the amazing things that Black folks have invented?? If you want to geek out about sex stuff, I highly recommend Kate Lister’s “A Curious History of Sex.” If you want to learn more about long-lasting relationships, check out Emily Nagoski’s “Come Together.” If you want to learn more about Palestinian history and culture, I love Subhi’s Reels here. I mean, I could go on.😅
The point is, don’t stop learning new things. Even if you have an expertise, hopefully there’s something new to learn, whether it be technology or methodology or new research results. Are you able to access any virtual workshops on specific topics? SHIP will be announcing their Spring Virtual Workshop series soon, so keep an eye out for some awesome sexuality workshops!
8. Explore Through Audio
I am personally a huge fan of podcasts. There are so many heart-wrenching stories, beautiful stories, stories that will make you feel something. I’m a fan of Throughline for a look back at how historical moments are affecting current events. If you want gorgeous storytelling, check out The Memory Palace. Of course, if you haven’t listened to Raw Bar, I have 2 seasons out and Season 3 is in the works!
For the first time, I decided to give audio erotica a try. I wasn’t really sure if I would be into it, to be honest. But Oh Em Gee 😱 I was not remotely prepared for that experience! I found myself giggling and wriggling, and I became a believer. I haven’t committed to an app yet, but I’ve explored Quinn and Dipsea. Do you have a favorite between them or know of another?
9. Organize!
This one is totally for me as well. 😂 We recently rearranged our living room to accommodate a new couch, and the process involved purging many things we no longer needed. I now have a dedicated desk where I can work from home while looking out a window…but my desk is still a bit of a mess! For me, my physical space is a representation of all that’s happening in my mind, so rearranging the living room has helped me tap into other work that I’ve been leaving behind (like this blog 😬). I’m a huge fan of putting on some music I can sing and/or dance along to as I’m organizing my space. What kind of music do you turn on when you need to tidy up?
Now, there’s a whole different type of organizing that I’d like to encourage you to do. Especially in relation to all that’s happening in the world, I want to encourage you to look into the BDS Movement. We need to be in this for the long game, y’all. Change isn’t something that always happens immediately. We’ve heard of intergenerational trauma at this point, but the part that is often left out is that it will require intergenerational healing. If we can organize together towards a long-term goal, we can move the needle towards more justice and equity. The BDS Movement is one way to do so.
10. Take Up Space and Use Your Voice!
Get in, babes, we’re taking up space! No more of the shrinking down to make ourselves small. No more minimizing our accomplishments no matter how small. No more not tooting our own horns. No more worrying that people will think you’re conceited - what they think is none of your business anyway! It’s time, my loves. The world needs to see what you’re working on, even if it’s at the beginning stages. Every inch, every word, especially if it's rooted in compassion and pleasure, is action towards that intergenerational healing I talked about earlier.
We need everyone’s voice to speak up about injustice. Even if it’s a share of someone else’s work, or setting up an email to be sent every day to your representatives, or sending a message to someone you love to tell them you love them. If you want to march, march. If you want to uplift Palestinian, Sudanese, and Congolese voices, uplift them. If you want to wear your watermelon gear or kufiyah every day, wear it.
11. Check It Off Your List
This one might be the least glamorous of my suggestions. As I said earlier, we all have to exist within the capitalist system. Sometimes that means paying bills and running errands in order to make our households run. Also, Tax Season is upon us as of the writing of this article. While I have yet to figure out how to pay my taxes without it going towards a genocide, the last thing I want for any of us is to face the ire of the IRS.
So, yes, doing these mundane, tedious tasks might not be as sexy. AND there are folks out there doing the work to encourage us to work the system without giving up who we are. I think of folks like leo aquino and Berna Anat, who are doing the important work of calling out the hellhole that is capitalism while sharing their knowledge of the system with the rest of us. If you need that extra boost, here’s the playlist I’ve created to play while I’m paying my bills.
12. Connect With Your People
I’m sure you’ve heard that humans are social creatures by nature. It’s true. We learned the importance of touch during the isolation part of the pandemic, and we’re (hopefully) learning now about the importance of having a community. Whether it be chosen family, your long-time friend group, a polycule, or actual family members who just get you, setting a date with your people is such a crucial part of self care and community care. Of course, if you’re partnered or have kids, doing something outside of your every day activities can create some lasting memories
I’m a huge fan of Google calendars and utilizing them for date nights, sex nights, solo days, and friend dates. Everyone is busy, so having occasional or regular meetups scheduled (with the understanding of flexibility when things come up) can help reconnect us with the rest of the world. As important as it is to connect with our bodies, connecting with your people helps to fulfill the social part of us. If you live far away from your people, (like me) I quickly want to plug the Marco Polo app! It’s a no-pressure video chat app that’s been so useful for my Squad friends who live all over the continent as well as with my partner and kiddo when I’m away from home. I love that we can just quickly respond to messages or leave a long rambling polo about our day. I’ve cried on that app, laughed so hard, come to realizations in real time. It feels like real human connection even if it’s not happening in real time.
13. Setting Boundaries
I wanted to end with one of the most important ways to practice self love and community love - setting boundaries. How does this work after I just waxed poetic about connecting with your people? Doesn’t this feel contradictory, Cecilia? No, babes. Connecting with your people and setting boundaries go hand in hand.
Whew! Have you ever said no to things that you didn't want to do?? The RUSH from declining an offer or activity that you know would drain your energy!! Instead, you can prioritize activities that align with your values, interests, and goals. This isn’t about disconnecting from people and activities who nourish your life. This is about disconnecting from the people and activities that leave you feeling drained and hopeless. Setting boundaries creates more space for you to move towards activities that enrich your life and the lives of others. I believe in you, babes...you can do it!
Originally, this piece was going to be a simple fluff piece. “Here’s some cute ideas, if you wanna check out the shop, yay Self Love Day!” But I just couldn’t. I try to keep it real with you all as much as possible, and it feels really important to do so these days. The truth is that the older I get (I turn 42 in April), the more I realize that how empty self love for self love’s sake feels to me.
I strongly believe in the power of loving ourselves because our presence impacts our communities. I strongly believe in the power of being part of the collective because I cannot do parenting/creating/dreaming/living alone. So, I hope you’ll join me in this practice of self love as community love as self love.
Asian American, Native Hawaiian, Pacific Islander Sexuality Professionals
Asian American, Native Hawaiian, & Pacific Islander Sexuality Professionals
Here’s a list of amazing Sexuality Professionals of Asian and Pacific Islander Heritage and Decent and where you can find them. Hire these folks and other Black, Indigenous, Latinx Sexuality Professionals.
Sonalee Rashatwar
IG: @thefatsextherapist
Website: www.sonaleer.com/
Sukriti Dabral
IG: @askingwhatsmeaningful
Website: sukritidabralsexed.wordpress.com/
Dr. Jessica O’Reilly
IG and Twitter: @sexwithdrjess
Facebook: www.facebook.com/sexwithdrjess
Website: www.sexwithdrjess.com/
Lotus Lain
IG and Twitter: @itslotuslain
Jo Portia
IG and Twitter: @iamjoportia
Facebook: www.facebook.com/gofitjo
Website: www.iamjoportia.com/
Caitlin
(Hapa femme in undergrad creating a space for pleasure and growth)
IG: @thes3xtalk
Nawaaz Makhani
IG: @rumi2explore
Mystique Coach
IG: @mystiquecoach
Jayda Shuavarnnasri
IG: @jayda_kissed
Twitter: @JaydaKissed
Website: www.jaydakissed.com/
Ivy Kwong, LMFT
IG and Twitter: @bareivy
Website: www.bareivy.com
Dr. Sakshi Tickoo
IG: @sex.love.andot
Twitter: @sexloveandot
Facebook: www.facebook.com/SexLoveAndOT/
Website: www.sexloveandot.com/
Sandra Phanita
IG: @sandra_phanita
Twitter: @praxisofphanita
Get Gilly by Erin Chen
IG and Twitter: @getgillycom
Website: www.getgilly.com
May Vutrapongvatana
IG and Twitter: @mayvutrapongvatana
Sex Ed with Tim
IG and Twitter: @sexedwithtim
Carina Hsieh
IG and Twitter: @carinahsieh
Dr. Catalina Lawsin
IG: @drcatalina_
Website: www.drcatalina.org
Jiz Lee
IG and Twiter: @jizlee
Website: www.jizlee.com
Sage
IG: @callme.sage
Facebook: www.facebook.com/authenticallysage
Website: www.authenticallysage.com
Rae Threat
IG and Twitter: @raethreat
Facebook: www.facebook.com/raethreat
Website: threat.tv/
Queen Layla
Twitter: @IAmQueenLayla
Website: www.4lsolutions.com/
Bianca Dowon Lee
IG: @bleedinginerotica
Twitter: @biancadowon
Website: www.bleedinginerotica.com
Maria Two-Traps (she/her)
IG: @_sexandsquats
Website: www.sexandsquats.org
Joey Estella, LMFT
Website: LAtherapy.weebly.com
Kim Pham
IG: @kimoftheinternet
Website: kimoftheinternet.com
Midori
IG and Twitter: @planetmidori"
Facebook: www.facebook.com/planetmidori
Patreon: www.patreon.com/planetmidori
Website: www.fortefemme.com
Jet Setting Jasmine
IG and Twitter: @jetsetjasmine
Facebook: www.facebook.com/jetsettingjasmine
Website: www.jsjlinks.com/
Sex Nerd Sandra
IG and Twitter: @sexnerdsandra
Patreon: www.patreon.com/sexnerdsandra
Mia Little
IG: @alittleedutainment
Harmony Lee
IG: @yourgaydanceteacher
Website: www.yourgaydanceteacher.com
Justine Fonte
IG and Twitter: @imjustineaf
Website: www.justinefonte.com/
Good Byes - Your Friendly Ghostwriter by Justine Fonte
IG: @_good.byes_
Sydney Rae Chin
IG: @sexysoupdumplings
Website: msha.ke/sexysoupdumplings/
Michelle Hy of Polyamorous While Asian
IG and Twitter: @polyamorouswhileasian
Facebook: www.facebook.com/polyamwhileasian
Website: polyamorouswhileasian.com/
Anna Lee from Lioness
IG: @annaisaverage
Twitter: @hisohee
Lioness Website: lioness.io/
Ti Chang from Crave
IG and Twitter: @designerti
Crave Website: lovecrave.com
Ann Nguyen
IG and Twitter: @theannnguyen
Website: www.theannnguyen.com
Dr. Varuna Srinivasan
IG and Twitter: @drarunasrinivasan
Website: www.varunasrinivasan.com/
Kei Karayan of Kasama Culture
IG: @kasamaculture
Rae Chen
IG and Twitter: @thenotice
Website: thenotice.net/
Share Your Nuance
IG and Twitter: @shareyournuance
Website medium.com/shareyournuance
Roots of Health
IG and Twitter: @rootsofhealth
Website: www.rootsofhealth.org
Rekha Raagopal
IG: @sexedwithrekha
Website: www.raisingsexpositivekids.com
Goddess Cecilia
IG and Twitter: @goddesscecilia
Facebook: www.facebook.com/goddesscecilia1276
Website: www.goddesscecilia.com
Leonore Tjia
IG: @dreamofthehuntress
Website: www.rewildingtheheart.com
Natalie Rose / ShesANatural
IG: @NatalieRose_fet
Twitter: @ShesANaturall
Facebook: www.facebook.com/NatalieRoseRope
N’Jaila Rhee
IG and Twitter: @BlasianBytch
Website: blasianbytch.com
BANG!: Masturbation for People of All Genders and Abilities - Edited by Vic Liu
IG: @bangforall
Purchase the Book: www.microcosmpublishing.com/catalog/books/11520
Frances G
IG: @themodernlifecoach [Personal IG] @_liberatingme [Podcast IG]
Facebook: www.facebook.com/modernlifecoach
Asians for Sex Positivity
IG: asiansforsexpositivity
This is by no means a complete list.
It’s so easy for all of us to get caught up in our own little part of the Sexuality Field and Industry. I know this isn’t at all a complete list. I’m certain I’m missing folks. I also started with highlighting specifically Asian Sexuality Professionals, but I think it’s important to expand the list to include Pacific Islander Sexuality Professionals. The original image I created is to the right.
Do you know somebody or are YOU an AAPI Sexuality Professional, Worker, Counselor, Therapist, Educator, Coach, Film Actor or Producer, Content Creator? Fill out the form below to be added to this ever-growing list:
Asian Sexuality Professionals Listing Request
If you would like to throw some support to Goddess Cecilia who has compiled and organized this listing, here’s how:
Throw some funds her way:
Venmo @GoddessCecilia
CashApp $GoddessCecilia
PayPal goddesscecilia at gmail dot com
Become a Patron on Patreon:
www.patreon.com/goddesscecilia
What does it mean to be Mer-Made for Pleasure?
What does it mean to be Mer-Made for Pleasure?
We cannot talk about pleasure without acknowledging that we are taught to disconnect from ourselves and each other.
From the get go, many of us in adulthood have had minimal experience with trusting and understanding our bodies. As children, information about our bodies was withheld, we didn't often learn the names of all of our body parts, and we may have been told to hold in big emotions. We are then socialized according to our perceived genders, which includes how we relate to others based on their gender.
Tell me if you've heard any of these before:
"Don't cry. It's not going to fix anything."
"Hey! Don't touch yourself down there!"
"Oohh! You're going to be very popular with the girls/boys!"
"You can't trust girls/boys! They're always causing trouble!"
"Boys/girls don't do that!"
"If you lost weight, you'd be so pretty."
Or some stereotype about another culture, gender, or sexuality.
This isn't to villanize our elders, as they had even less access to the information than we have today. They are also products of a society that hyper-focuses on making people fit into an unrealistic ideal.
These ideals are often based on cis male white supremacy that wants us to conform so that we can maintain a capitalist system. It makes us hustle more to try to keep up. It puts us in constant competition with each other. It makes us fear others who don't look like us, and pit Black, Brown, and Indigenous people against each other.
And yet, when we turn to adults, we're just supposed to know how to trust ourselves and relate to others?
Add on any personal and/or societal trauma, and it's easy to see how the odds are stacked against us and our pleasures.
We cannot evolve if we pretend that everything has been perfect.
We need to call out and expose the systems of oppression that perpetuate misinformation. We need to be critical of anything that makes us feel shame.
We shine a light and name anything that makes us feel less than, giving us the ability to recognize that the power of pleasure has always been part of us.
Pleasure is power and worthiness.
Pleasure is healing and expansive.
Pleasure is a right and a revolution.
To reconnect to our pleasure requires us to redefine who it centers, and how it can cultivate care and liberation for ourselves and our community.
Everything, and I mean everything, we thought we knew has been based on the point of view of cis white men. How we define success, healing, pleasure, self-care, love, wealth...the list is endless.
It's time to shift the center, shake it up so that it's virtually unrecognizable.
What would it look like to center Black, Brown, and Indigenous bodies? What would it look like to center Trans and Non-Binary bodies? What would it look like to center disabled bodies? What would it look like to center fat bodies?
What would it look like if we realized that centering the self is not in opposition to centering the community? What would it look like if we shifted away from either/or, this/that binary thinking?
What would pleasure look/feel/sound/smell/taste like?
Are you ready to shift the center?
40 Ways to Practice Pleasure
I’m turning 40!
Here are 40 ways I’ve learned about and experienced pleasure!
Every Day Happenings
“Gigil” - Tagalog, wanting to squish something super cute
The moment you lay down in your own bed after a long day
Taking off your shoes/bra/pants after being in them all day
Laughing deep belly laughs
The first bite of a snack/dish that you’ve been craving
Nature is Calling
Sitting in a sunny window or sitting outside
Noticing the way the clouds are moving or how the wind is blowing
Being near or in a body of water
Interacting with an animal or your pet
Warm summer nights of silent snowy nights
Social Connections
Chatting with a friend who completely gets you
Meaningful, 20 second long, consensual hugs
Participating in a cause you believe in
Attending a concert or performance
Social media interactions that leave you feeling happy
Hard Feelings
Doing something even when you’re nervous about its
Crying to release emotions and pressure
The moment you realize you’re crushing on someone
Saying Goodbye
“Saudade” - Brazilian or Portuguese word for nostalgia or longing
Sharing Your Skills
Completing a project
Being recognized for something you are proud of
The moment you realize you have a great idea
Sharing information you know
Learning something new that can benefit your work
Sexual Healing
A first kiss
Eye contact that’s conveying something only you know
Anticipation of a pleasing act
Being asked how you want to be touched
Feeling satisfaction after sexual play, solo or partnered
No is a Complete Sentence
Deciding to say no to a social engagement
When they respond with, “Thank you for taking care of yourself!”
Not answering work-related messages during off hours
Setting boundaries with family members
Delete. Block.
Blurry But Beneficial
Sticking to a schedule you created for yourself
Treating yourself after paying a bill
Clearing out and cleaning a small area
Making appointments for your physical and mental health
Making a difficult decision
The problem with these listicles is that they can appear like a check list or like some form of measurement to judge oursevles. These are meant to be examples of a variety of experiences and practices. Certainly, many are missing and even more that we have yet to experience.
For me, pleasure has been my way of staying grounded, feeling embodied, and wading through the various traumas I've experienced these 40 years.
Pleasure has been my guide and my homing beacon.
Everyone's relationship to pleasure varies.
Which ones resonated with you? Which ones will you view differently with a pleasureable lens?
Would you like to have some dedicated time in your week crafting your pleasure practice?