Self Love 🤝🏼 Community Love

Self Love 🤝🏼 Community Love

If you’re like me, you might be oversaturated with conflicting images on your social media. I know I am. Normal every day content from random folks interspersed with horrendous images and videos coming out of Gaza and the West Bank in Palestine.

How could I possibly think about self love at this time? How could any of us?

Babes, I’m here to remind you that loving yourself is not exclusive from loving and caring for others. I believe that you and I are capable of loving more than one thing or person or concept. You can practice self love while also caring about the ongoing genocide. Self care is community care. Community care is self care.

Now, what does that look like? Can you still take a spa day, get a massage, treat yourself to a mani-pedi, and indulge in nourishing and delicious treats? Yes, babes, go ahead. I’m not here to police you.

AND I'm here to offer several ideas on how to practice self love in this extremely difficult time in the world.

In a Hallmark Card-created holiday, of course the emphasis is on how to spend your money. Self love becomes easily commodified. Sure, if you feel so inclined to shop for a new toy for yourself, I hope you’d stop by my (newly updated with new products!) shop. More than anything, I want you to remember that pleasure is the measure. I want YOU to feel connected to your body, curious about what feels good, and in control of your own pleasure liberation. That also means that you believe that pleasure should be available for everyone, and you will be an active participant in making it more accessible to everyone.

So, let’s get to it, shall we?

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13 Ways to Practice Self Love As Community Love

1. Get Your Hands “Dirty”
Whether you want to stick your hands in plants or stick your hands in your pants (though, not plants followed by your pants, please!!), getting in touch with nature is an amazing way to practice self love. Whether you’re a plant pro or a newer plant parent (like me!), sticking your hands in some dirt can feel wonderful and renewing. Taking care of plants is taking care of the earth, even if you’re not gardening in a plot or yard. It’s important, however, to be aware of more sustainable ways to have indoor plants.

Now, if you’re going to stick your hand in your pants..well, there are plenty of self-love benefits to this - from all those feel-good hormones to the afterglow of orgasm. Get back to basics by using your own hands instead of a toy to change it up and keep it feeling new.

2. Water Healing
If you have access to a natural body of water - like a lake, river, pond, ocean, even a brook - I highly recommend spending some time near it. Take a brief stroll around it. Bring polyurethane gloves and a trash bag. Pick up any trash you see along the way. I can almost guarantee that you will feel a little bit healed afterward.

Of course, staying hydrated and lubricating during sexy time are great ways to get that self love in. I hope you’re using reusable water bottles and reusable travel mugs whenever you’re out and about. And if you need an extra reminder, you can slap a “Hydrate/Lubricate/Masturbate” sticker on your bottle. While you’re at it, consider going to Little Miss Flint’s Instagram and supporting her and the city of Flint, MI, which still doesn’t have sufficient clean water access.

3. Digital Detox
I want to be very clear that I do not mean disconnecting from what’s happening around the world. I want you to continue to be aware of what’s happening. It doesn’t benefit you to be ignorant, and if you want to argue with me about that then you can stop reading and move along to some white lady in yoga pants whose motto is “Nama-stay in bed.”

Anywhose…There’s a really fine line between staying informed and doom scrolling. You can pick and choose specific sources to get your information, and choose to do so at specific points throughout the day. I know many of us have been checking in on Palestinian journalists, so I don’t want to dissuade you from that. However, if it’s getting late, take a break. Set a timer if you need to. You can also spend your digital detox time by hitting that unfollow button on social media accounts that do not bring value to your life. You don’t have to stay connected to your Trump-loving auntie on Facebook. You don’t have to listen to the influencer that makes you feel more critical about your body. It will feel so amazing to release them!

4. Get Creative
Remember all those intricate coloring books you bought during the pandemic, or that crochet project you forgot about. Or maybe there’s a new recipe you want to try! There’s so many ways to create without spending too much money or any money at all. Perhaps there’s a sign-making event happening for you locally, or some free event at your local library. Create a simple doodle, play with different features on Canva, or create a zine!

Or, if you’re like me who doesn’t feel super confident about their drawing skills, you can print out a zine and distribute it to your local book stores, Little Free Library posts, or even to friends! Check out Pleasure Pie’s free zines about Palestine available in PDF format! If you don’t have access to a printer, feel free to forward it along to a friend!

5. Nourish and Move Your Body
This is the part where I also remind you that we don’t do fatphobia or eugenics here. Everyone of every body size, shape, and ability deserves to feel nourished and free to move however they want. More often than not, the biggest barrier for folks is fatphobia. It prevents them from seeking care because of the fear of being shamed or mistreated or misdiagnosed - because those are real things that can occur.

You deserve to feel joy in your body the way you want to, the way you consent to. Whether that be through mini dance party breaks during your work day or a boba on your way to your next errand, I’m here to emphatically say, Hell yes! If you do actually need a little encouragement, a little cheerleading, I’m here! Send me a little message, I’ll gladly cheer you on! If you’re looking for some body positive movement, I highly recommend The Underbelly! It’s an app that features the amazing Jessamyn Stanley leading you through joyful yoga movements! I also highly recommend finding out if there are any Dabke troupes in your area! Here’s one in the Boston area! Dabke is a traditional line dance that has roots in the Levant region, including Lebanon, Syria, and Palestine.

6. Rest Your Body
Maybe this one is also a message to me, a notorious night owl who will do her whole face routine even if it’s 1am (Taurus Sun). I want to be clear that I don’t proclaim to be proficient at any of these suggestions. This list is as much as a reminder for me as it is for the rest of us.

We are raised in a society that measures our worth based on what we’re able to produce - work, products, sales, babies…the pressure is real and unrealistic. It doesn’t have to be this way. Yes, we do have to work in order to live within a capitalist society. No, we don’t have to run ourselves ragged in order to do so. Take that PTO, do nothing for a day, sleep in or lounge in bed all day. Going for a walk or stretching is another way to rest your body, too. Do something restorative. If you need reminders, check out The Nap Ministry’s Rest Deck!

7. Learn Something New
Y’all know that I’m a huge nerd. There’s so much really interesting information out there. Like, did you know that our solar system moves through the universe like this?? Do you know about all the amazing things that Black folks have invented?? If you want to geek out about sex stuff, I highly recommend Kate Lister’s “A Curious History of Sex.” If you want to learn more about long-lasting relationships, check out Emily Nagoski’s “Come Together.” If you want to learn more about Palestinian history and culture, I love Subhi’s Reels here. I mean, I could go on.😅

The point is, don’t stop learning new things. Even if you have an expertise, hopefully there’s something new to learn, whether it be technology or methodology or new research results. Are you able to access any virtual workshops on specific topics? SHIP will be announcing their Spring Virtual Workshop series soon, so keep an eye out for some awesome sexuality workshops!

8. Explore Through Audio
I am personally a huge fan of podcasts. There are so many heart-wrenching stories, beautiful stories, stories that will make you feel something. I’m a fan of Throughline for a look back at how historical moments are affecting current events. If you want gorgeous storytelling, check out The Memory Palace. Of course, if you haven’t listened to Raw Bar, I have 2 seasons out and Season 3 is in the works!

For the first time, I decided to give audio erotica a try. I wasn’t really sure if I would be into it, to be honest. But Oh Em Gee 😱 I was not remotely prepared for that experience! I found myself giggling and wriggling, and I became a believer. I haven’t committed to an app yet, but I’ve explored Quinn and Dipsea. Do you have a favorite between them or know of another?

9. Organize!
This one is totally for me as well. 😂 We recently rearranged our living room to accommodate a new couch, and the process involved purging many things we no longer needed. I now have a dedicated desk where I can work from home while looking out a window…but my desk is still a bit of a mess! For me, my physical space is a representation of all that’s happening in my mind, so rearranging the living room has helped me tap into other work that I’ve been leaving behind (like this blog 😬). I’m a huge fan of putting on some music I can sing and/or dance along to as I’m organizing my space. What kind of music do you turn on when you need to tidy up?

Now, there’s a whole different type of organizing that I’d like to encourage you to do. Especially in relation to all that’s happening in the world, I want to encourage you to look into the BDS Movement. We need to be in this for the long game, y’all. Change isn’t something that always happens immediately. We’ve heard of intergenerational trauma at this point, but the part that is often left out is that it will require intergenerational healing. If we can organize together towards a long-term goal, we can move the needle towards more justice and equity. The BDS Movement is one way to do so.

10. Take Up Space and Use Your Voice!
Get in, babes, we’re taking up space! No more of the shrinking down to make ourselves small. No more minimizing our accomplishments no matter how small. No more not tooting our own horns. No more worrying that people will think you’re conceited - what they think is none of your business anyway! It’s time, my loves. The world needs to see what you’re working on, even if it’s at the beginning stages. Every inch, every word, especially if it's rooted in compassion and pleasure, is action towards that intergenerational healing I talked about earlier.

We need everyone’s voice to speak up about injustice. Even if it’s a share of someone else’s work, or setting up an email to be sent every day to your representatives, or sending a message to someone you love to tell them you love them. If you want to march, march. If you want to uplift Palestinian, Sudanese, and Congolese voices, uplift them. If you want to wear your watermelon gear or kufiyah every day, wear it.

11. Check It Off Your List
This one might be the least glamorous of my suggestions. As I said earlier, we all have to exist within the capitalist system. Sometimes that means paying bills and running errands in order to make our households run. Also, Tax Season is upon us as of the writing of this article. While I have yet to figure out how to pay my taxes without it going towards a genocide, the last thing I want for any of us is to face the ire of the IRS.

So, yes, doing these mundane, tedious tasks might not be as sexy. AND there are folks out there doing the work to encourage us to work the system without giving up who we are. I think of folks like leo aquino and Berna Anat, who are doing the important work of calling out the hellhole that is capitalism while sharing their knowledge of the system with the rest of us. If you need that extra boost, here’s the playlist I’ve created to play while I’m paying my bills.

12. Connect With Your People
I’m sure you’ve heard that humans are social creatures by nature. It’s true. We learned the importance of touch during the isolation part of the pandemic, and we’re (hopefully) learning now about the importance of having a community. Whether it be chosen family, your long-time friend group, a polycule, or actual family members who just get you, setting a date with your people is such a crucial part of self care and community care. Of course, if you’re partnered or have kids, doing something outside of your every day activities can create some lasting memories

I’m a huge fan of Google calendars and utilizing them for date nights, sex nights, solo days, and friend dates. Everyone is busy, so having occasional or regular meetups scheduled (with the understanding of flexibility when things come up) can help reconnect us with the rest of the world. As important as it is to connect with our bodies, connecting with your people helps to fulfill the social part of us. If you live far away from your people, (like me) I quickly want to plug the Marco Polo app! It’s a no-pressure video chat app that’s been so useful for my Squad friends who live all over the continent as well as with my partner and kiddo when I’m away from home. I love that we can just quickly respond to messages or leave a long rambling polo about our day. I’ve cried on that app, laughed so hard, come to realizations in real time. It feels like real human connection even if it’s not happening in real time.

13. Setting Boundaries
I wanted to end with one of the most important ways to practice self love and community love - setting boundaries. How does this work after I just waxed poetic about connecting with your people? Doesn’t this feel contradictory, Cecilia? No, babes. Connecting with your people and setting boundaries go hand in hand.

Whew! Have you ever said no to things that you didn't want to do?? The RUSH from declining an offer or activity that you know would drain your energy!! Instead, you can prioritize activities that align with your values, interests, and goals. This isn’t about disconnecting from people and activities who nourish your life. This is about disconnecting from the people and activities that leave you feeling drained and hopeless. Setting boundaries creates more space for you to move towards activities that enrich your life and the lives of others. I believe in you, babes...you can do it!

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Originally, this piece was going to be a simple fluff piece. “Here’s some cute ideas, if you wanna check out the shop, yay Self Love Day!” But I just couldn’t. I try to keep it real with you all as much as possible, and it feels really important to do so these days. The truth is that the older I get (I turn 42 in April), the more I realize that how empty self love for self love’s sake feels to me.

I strongly believe in the power of loving ourselves because our presence impacts our communities. I strongly believe in the power of being part of the collective because I cannot do parenting/creating/dreaming/living alone. So, I hope you’ll join me in this practice of self love as community love as self love.