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Goddess Cecilia 10/9/21 Goddess Cecilia 10/9/21

Don't Ghost On Your Pleasures: How to Keep Communication Open

Where were you when Facebook and Instagram FAILED?

I was actually out and about, and mad that my Instagram post wasn't posting. I assumed it was just another way that Mercury in Retrograde was personally attacking me. When I got home, I checked Twitter, and there it was.

How was I supposed to communicate with my friends? How was I supposed to share any of projects I had or promote any products or communicate with my clients? Luckily, I have this mailing list, a website, and I'm on several other social media platforms.

But it got me thinking about broken communication, and not just with our friends and family. Sometimes, communicating with partners doesn't go as smoothly as we anticipate. People have different understanding, different ways to speak about the same thing, or even language barriers. If heightened emotions are involved, one of you might even say something that could really hurt feelings.

I know it can feel really difficult to communicate one’s needs at times. You don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, but you also want to enjoy your pleasure times. You also have to choose your words carefully depending on how you’re communicating - in person, via text, email? The last thing anyone needs when they’re trying to talk about sexy times is to have a misunderstanding that leads to a standstill.

So, now how do you communicate this to them without hurting any feelings? Here’s some suggestions.

KEEP THE PARTNER PLEASURE CONVO OPEN

Try using phrases like:
”I really like it when you…”
”I’m interested in seeing what…..feels like.”
”I think it would be sexy if we tried…”

Using “I” statements can prevent it sounding like blame is being placed. People are less likely to listen when it feels like they’re being attacked. You’re speaking for you, after all.

It’s also important to remember that it’s a partnership. Hopefully, the relationship is based on mutual trust, understanding, and desire to see the other happy. Being genuinely curious about their thoughts and feelings will hopefully keep it reciprocal.

Every sexy session is an opportunity to learn - about yourself, about your partners, about the relationships. Even if you learn that you’re not compatible, that’s an important, and certainly difficult, lesson to learn.

Hopefully, these quick tips can be useful during your next sexy session.

What about communicating our own needs to ourselves? How often do you ask for or give yourself permission to do something? And I'm not talking, "Okay, I guess we're doing this!" and just jumping head first into a situation. 🤣 I mean, like, really sit and contemplate whether or not you *want* to do something.

Okay, now, when’s the last time you checked in about your sexual pleasure?
Do you usually go for your usual fave toys, position, location, time of day/night? Or do you check in once in a while to see if the usual ways are still working?

It’s certainly fine if everything you’re doing is still working. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, after all.

Though, sometimes we don’t always notice the incremental shifts we take. Even if we think we’re doing everything exactly the same, we might take a little longer to reach orgasm, or we might be a little more stressed or hungry or thirsty than the last time. But, we usually press on because, “that’s just how we get it done.”

When it comes to sexual pleasure, it helps to vary our activity every once in a while. Honestly, with any activity, any pleasure, it helps to have variations every so often. This keeps our brains (oh, yes, the most important sexual organ) active and flexible. This tells our brains that there are a wide variety of sensations we can enjoy, and it keeps our old favorites as old favorites.

It’s also a learning opportunity. It’s helpful to know that you do or don’t actually like that type of pressure, or that type of vibration, or that type of touch. When you’re then playing with a partner, you are coming with a whole treasure box full of options!

Here’s some questions you can ask yourself when you check in about your pleasure.

PERSONAL PLEASURE CHECK IN QUESTIONS

During your next solo pleasure time, ask yourself the following:

-Does this particular sensation still feel pleasurable?
-How will the sensations change if I vary my position/ pressure/speed?
-What did I learn about my pleasure when I tried something different?

If you try something, and it doesn’t feel as pleasurable right away, try it again another time. If the sensations are painful - and not in a fun way, then that’s definitely something to take note! It may mean that it’s something to avoid next time.

Your pleasure potential is endless! Being curious about the possibilities, and it could lead you to amazing discoveries.

Remember that you have the ability to add and take away from your pleasure tool kit. Tech changes, information changes, and what you find pleasurable will also change.

Part of these questions come from me being a complete nerd about sex and pleasure. They are legit questions I’ve asked myself!

When I was part of the Goddess/Adonis Advisory Board with Athena’s Home Novelties, we had to test a variety of toys. Some of which I could tell I wasn’t going to enjoy, and others that surprised me completely. It seems like a glorious job, but you really do end up wading through a bunch of junk. My time in the Advisory Board helped me to be more thoughtful about my and my partner’s experience.

I’ve always been naturally curious, asking all the questions for clarity and to dive deeper into a topic. Asking questions can lead to better outcomes and more pleasure for everyone involved, instead of just hoping that it will change or eventually avoiding the conversation (and ghosting) completely.

So much of what you’ll find out in the internet repeats over and over that communication is important. But they don’t often talk about what communication might sound or look like, or that it can involve asking more questions than you think you’ll need to ask.

It might be awkward at first. As with most things we might need to relearn or unlearn, it takes time and practice. And of all the thing to practice, becoming a better communicator with your partners and with yourself about pleasure can truly benefit everyone in the long run.

Goddess Cecilia 5/6/21 Goddess Cecilia 5/6/21

Exotic Enemy: The Impact of Anti-AAPI Violence on AAPI Sexuality (Transcript from Sugar & Spice Asia Event; April 28, 2021)

Video and Transcript of a Presentation for Sugar & Spice Asia.

The following is the recording and transcript of my presentation for the Sugar & Spice event on Wednesday, April 28, 2021.

Synopsis:
Statistics have shown that hate crimes against Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders have risen 150% since March 2020, but this is just a steep rise in the long history of anti-Asian rhetoric and violence in the United States. It’s been trauma after trauma for the AAPI community. Though there is more information available about mental health within the community, there’s a lack of conversation about how this all affects our sexuality. Goddess Cecilia will speak about how our sexuality continues to be impacted by the rise in anti-AAPI hate, and shares some thoughts about where we go from here.

INTRO

When I was 4 years old, my mother and I moved from the Philippines to Los Angeles, California, to join my father. At the time of our big move, the Philippines was just coming out of martial law and the Marcos Era. I know my parents wanted to make sure that I had more opportunities available to me, and the United States seemed to promise that American Dream of prosperity to all those who landed on its shores.

I found that I was still able to be surrounded by Philippine culture, because of my large extended family and other Filipinos living in Los Angeles. But, at school, I was teased for having an accent. I remember making the conscious decision to stop speaking Tagalog so that I could lose the accent faster. As a little kid, I didn’t know that being teased for it was not okay. Nor did I know back then that this simple choice was a way that internalized white supremacy began, and that assimilation can only go so far if you don’t share the same phenotype as the oppressors in the society.

Now, what does white supremacy mean? White skin is certainly not specific to people in the United States and Europe. But in this talk, when I talk about white supremacy, I am referring specifically to the belief that the white race is inherently superior to other races and that white people should have control over people of other races, including but not limited to Black and Jewish peoples.

Historically, I feel like we in the United States think of white supremacy as being part of large events, like the slave trade or the Holocaust. But white supremacy is sneaky, and not always overt. It could look like comparing one ethnic group’s abilities to another. Or incarcerating a higher rate of one group versus others. Or making an assumption about the kind of job that a person has based on their ethnic group. It could look like someone wanting to only date someone within their racial or ethnic group to maintain the “purity” of their race. Or it’s stating that you would never date someone from a specific race or ethnic group, because “that’s just not your type.”

I use these examples because at one point or another, some of these thoughts have definitely gone through my head. Specifically, when I was much younger, I used to say that I wasn’t really attracted to Asian folks. I would joke about it saying that we would have too many similarities. But I recognize and know now that that is another way I internalized white supremacy. My desire to fit into United States culture meant that I would attempt to adopt a point of view that is promoted by mainstream (aka white) culture, which placed my cultural identity at a lower level of importance and attractiveness. It meant subscribing and not questioning how society operated.

I knew there were some things that were not acceptable, like being teased about the shape of my eyes over and over again by different people. And it wasn’t really until adulthood that I began to examine how I internalized white supremacy and to slowly work my way out of that way of thinking.

My lived experience is only one small example of how assimilation into a white supremacist culture might look like. There are countless examples not just of immigrants, but even of children of immigrants who were born in this country. Because of the white supremacy built into the governing and culture of the United States, there will always be an assumption that anyone who isn’t white isn’t “from here.” That they didn’t grow up in the same neighborhoods or attend the same schools or understand the same pop culture references. One glaring example of this is how so many people questioned the legitimacy of Barack Obama’s Presidency because they questioned where he was born. That same attitude extends to all other non-white People of Color, including Indigenous folks who were here long before white Europeans sailed over.

White supremacy branches into colonialism, when one group of people attempt to overtake another group for the purposes of political, social, and economic gain. Certainly, I could use examples of the systematic genocide committed against Indigenous Tribes here in the US. However, I am certain that you could all point out one moment in the history of your country and/or culture where colonization took place.

The attitudes against Black, Indigenous, and other People of Color in the United States affect all of us. They have historically pit us against each other within the United States, but it also extends to how they treat other cultures around the world.

For this talk, let me lay out the various, and unfortunately not well-publicized history of white supremacy directed at Asians in the United States.

HISTORY

Anti-Asian hate truly began during the Gold Rush and railroad era. Companies started hiring Asian immigrants because they could pay them far less than poor working-class white folks and white European immigrants who were also looking for work. Because of this, Asian immigrants, the majority of whom were from China, were used as a scapegoat for their lack of employment.

In 1875, the US wrote it’s first ever federal law that restricted immigration, and it was directed at Asian immigrants. Specifically, it was directed at Asian women. The Page Act basically stated that Chinese, Japanese, or any “Oriental” women were prohibited from entering the country because they may be engaging in “undesirable” behavior - namely sex work.

Think about that for a second. Not only did they see Asian immigrants as a threat for their jobs, but they also saw them as a sexual threat. They claimed that the law was to prevent sex work, but what it actually did was prevent Asian men from bringing their families or from finding partners.

Between the 1882 Chinese Exclusion Act, and World War II, there were many instances of anti-Asian hate and discrimination, some of which included rioting against specific groups of Asian folks. For example, there were the 1907 Bellingham Riots in Washington state, which targeted South Asians, and the Watsonville Riots in 1930 in California which targeted Filipinos.

In the late 1960’s, the concept of the “Model Minority” began to surface. The model minority myth was framed positively by highlighting Asian and Jewish “work ethic” and the importance placed on education as a reason for their relative successes. But what it was really saying was that Latino and Black folks did not have a work ethic or care about education. It also lumped everyone into a single category of “Asian,” not recognizing that there were variations in socioeconomic status between the various ethnic groups.

This also ignores the bias that people have, which is perpetuated in how different ethnic groups are portrayed in the media and how their family members might have talked about them in the past.

This is why, when Trump started referring to Covid-19 as the “China Virus” or “Kung Flu”, it wasn’t a surprise to me that anti-Asian hate crimes began to increase in frequency and violence. To have a president utilize racial stereotypes in this manner, it seemed to put the focus on a group of people, instead of on the virus itself. It gave his followers permission to be open about any stereotypes or biases about Asian folks that they already believed.

People became very comfortable with blaming the pandemic on anyone who looked Asian, and unfortunately it resulted in more than 37 hundred incidents being reported from March 2020 to February 2021 on StopAAPIHate.org.

The problem is that we know that these numbers are probably lower than what is realistically happening. People are underreporting, or they don’t feel like it’s worth reporting. We have seen that the police and justice systems don’t often do enough even after an incident has been reported. And how are you supposed to report someone yelling a racial slur from their moving vehicle?

It’s a systematic issue that affects the everyday lives of Black, Indigenous, Latino, Asian and Pacific Islanders living in the United States, whether they realize it or not. This isn’t to take away from those who have worked hard and established themselves in this country. But, because of the color of our skin or the texture of our hair or the slant of our eyes, the larger society will continue to weaponize our ethnicity to benefit white supremacy.

HOW DOES IT AFFECT OUR SEXUALITY

So now that I’ve taken the time to detail the larger examples of anti-Asian sentiments in the United States, let me talk about how all of this affects our sexuality.

Now, historically, many of the restrictions in immigration directly affected the sexuality of Asian immigrants. By forbidding the immigration of Chinese women, Chinese men were not often going to find a partner or were limited in how often they could see their families back home. The Page Act also highlighted the sexuality factor as well. By associating sex work with Asian women, they created an image of Asian women being promiscuous and carrying sexually transmitted infections.

There were also anti-miscegenation laws that were already in existence, which further barred any non-white person from having a relationship or marrying a white person. In fact, part of the reason the Watsonville Riots happened was because Filipino bachelors were hosting dance hall events, and white women were attending. White men were so angry at this that they proceeded to attack Filipinos and burn down their establishments.

In the most recent large-scale attack against Asian folks, a shooter drove to 3 different massage and spa locations that were owned or staffed by Asians. He said he wanted to “eliminate a temptation.” Why were these specific people in these specific spas a temptation? As of now, there is still no proof that anything sexual was actually occurring at those locations. Yet, they were a source of his supposed sexual temptation. And if there was something sexual occurring, the fact that he believed that the staff and patrons were expendable shows how much value he placed on their lives.

When this occurred, there was massive grieving throughout the United States among the Asian and Pacific Islander community. Many of the women already knew what it was like to be reduced to a sex object because of our ethnicities.

As a Filipina, I’ve been told about people being a US Soldier stationed in the Philippines and how Filipina women were “really good at sex.” Cis men in the United States constantly want to show how much they know about our cultures by trying to lecture us about our customs, cuisines, martial arts, and languages. The amount of times some random man tried to say “maganda” or “beautiful” to me and other Filipina women I know, in order to impress us, is countless.

Knowing that we can easily be reduced to a sexual plaything is exhausting. We cannot walk the streets without this stereotype potentially following us, literally, as we are just trying to do simple things like shop for food or ride public transportation. If we do express our sexual selves, it’s looked at as an opportunity to support a stereotype or to take advantage of us.

Humans have some basic needs - to be fed, housed, clothed. All of it is so that we can feel safe. Safe in our bodies, safe around the people we interact with, and definitely safe with lovers.

If we don’t feel safe, or if we’re always at a heightened level of alertness or even if we choose to shrink ourselves to minimize how much space we take up in the world, all of that affects our sexuality, and definitely affects how we feel pleasure. We may question whether we’re engaging in certain sexual acts because we want to or because it’s what we’ve been told to enjoy. We might also never question this, and might end up missing out on a whole world of potential pleasure. There isn’t really one way that it affects all of the Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders, especially since there’s so much variation in the way we were raised and our individual cultures.

Sure, sex can also be a way to relieve stress, and some folks will use it that way. But if the stress outweighs the pleasure, then it’s quite possible that it isn’t really that pleasurable. Also the potential for a whole host of other issues come up, like having difficulty reaching orgasm.

I say this often when I do pleasure workshops. There’s a direct line from our brains to our buttholes. We’ve watched our elders, our neighbors, our community members be attacked time and time again. Some did not survive those attacks.

Because of all that’s happening, there has been a collective grieving that has been happening on top of fear and worry for ourselves and our loved ones. It continues to rob us of the time we could be feeling joy and pleasure.

So, I try to remind my clients and my followers of the fact that our joy and pleasure is a way that we can change the narrative. We deserve to claim our spaces, and live as full human beings no matter how white supremacy tries to take that away. The fight continues, of course. Until we are recognized as full citizens and full human beings in addition to how our cultures influence our presence, then the fight has to continue.

In the meantime, making room for extra pleasure can only make us more whole with ourselves.

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?

Now, where do we go from here?

I recognize that I am speaking to you from my particular lens of being a 1.5 Filipina immigrant raised in the United States. But I do believe we all could take steps forward together, as a people within our homelands and a diaspora.

Examine our own biases and colonized mentality. This is a toughie, I recognize that. I think that history being what it was, we all could do our own individual work of recognizing whether we carry any biases within us. Perhaps we learned it from our parents, grandparents, or media, or societal norms. What are our initial thoughts about different groups of people? People with different abilities? People in different socioeconomic statuses? People with different body types? Recognizing what our biases may or may not be is a step towards then examining how colonization has impacted us. That’s honestly a whole different conversation for another time.
Recognize that white supremacy needs to be abolished as it affects not just the folks in the United States, but all the people of the world. White supremacy doesn’t want any of us to survive, much less feel joy and pleasure. But we deserve to thrive. We deserve to have all the pleasure and all the orgasms we want. We deserve to have families, if we wanted, to have children and descendants grow up in a world where we wouldn’t have to fear for their survival.
Lastly, part of abolishing white supremacy is abolishing the belief that we’re just supposed to “get over” any trauma we may have experienced. As we learned from our previous presenters, trauma affects so much of our lives even though it doesn’t have to define us. Understand that trauma and healing are different for everyone, and sexuality and pleasure can be affected by trauma and can also be part of the healing.

At the end of the day, our sexuality and our pleasure are ours. They are part of who we are, and we carry them with us even when we’re not always fully aware of it. I know that I and other Asian American and Pacific Islanders will continue to fight towards justice and equity and the abolition of white supremacy. And you better believe that we’re going to continue living our full sexual lives while we’re doing it.

Goddess Cecilia 2/7/21 Goddess Cecilia 2/7/21

Asian American & Pacific Islander Sexuality Professionals

(Updated AANHPI Sexuality Pros list here)

Cue the Cringeworthy Oriental Riff

On January 29th, 2021, a supposed Sex and Relationship Coach named Kim Anami, along with director Shea Raven, released a video entitled “Kung Fu Vagina.” The video utilized Carl Douglas’ song from 1974, “Kung Fu Fighting,” which uses the Oriental Riff, a musical phrase that has been historically used in media to signify when Asian characters, dress, practices, or something related to “Asianness” would appear. It generalized what being Asian meant, and it perpetuates harmful stereotypes. Much like what Kim Anami’s music video did.

Quick Reminder: “Asian” is NOT a monolith. In fact, it comprises of approximately 50 different countries, cultures, and practices. There are absolutely Black and Brown Asians. There is also anti-Blackness within a variety of Asian cultures because of the history of colonization and imperialism that also affected and influenced the largest continent. “Pacific Islander” is NOT a monolith, and there is a different culture and history of colonization. While there may be similarities, and often Asian and Pacific Islander folks face similar discrimination, they are separate cultures.

So as to not repeat the amazing work that others have done, definitely check out the article written by Carina Hsieh for Cosmopolitan, Co-Founder of Lioness Anna Lee’s video response, Just Another Hannah’s video reponse, and BlasianFMA’s video response. They all talk about all the various things that are wrong with this music video and the concepts Kim Anami is trying to sell.

As of February 7th, 2021, the music video has since been remove off YouTube.

I also did a Live React video and shared and published it everywhere I could, including here on my blog. Below is the video, starting at where her video starts.

The general response of folks who know better is disgust and lack of surprise. This is not Kim Anami’s first time at the Racist Rodeo. Not only is her appropriated name an issue, she’s said extremely INCORRECT things about the Black Lives Matter movement and oppression in general. She has had a history of silencing Black, Indigenous, People of Color. AND THEN, she weaponizes sex and shame by claming that anyone who disagrees with her is “underfucked.”

So much for love and light and positivity.

Support Asian American & Pacific Islander Sexuality Professionals

Instead of following and supporting supposed Sex and Relationship Coaches who are not-so-secretly white supremacists, here’s a list of amazing Sexuality Professionals of Asian and Pacific Islander Heritage and Decent and where you can find them. Hire these folks and other Black, Indigenous, Latinx Sexuality Professionals.

Sonalee Rashatwar
IG: @thefatsextherapist
Website: www.sonaleer.com/

Sukriti Dabral
IG: @askingwhatsmeaningful
Website: sukritidabralsexed.wordpress.com/

Dr. Jessica O’Reilly
IG and Twitter: @sexwithdrjess
Facebook: www.facebook.com/sexwithdrjess
Website: www.sexwithdrjess.com/

Lotus Lain
IG and Twitter: @itslotuslain

Jo Portia
IG and Twitter: @iamjoportia
Facebook: www.facebook.com/gofitjo
Website: www.iamjoportia.com/

Caitlin
(Hapa femme in undergrad creating a space for pleasure and growth)
IG: @thes3xtalk

Nawaaz Makhani
IG: @rumi2explore

Mystique Coach
IG: @mystiquecoach

Jayda Shuavarnnasri
IG: @jayda_kissed
Twitter: @JaydaKissed
Website: www.jaydakissed.com/

Ivy Kwong, LMFT
IG and Twitter: @bareivy
Website: www.bareivy.com

Dr. Sakshi Tickoo
IG: @sex.love.andot
Twitter: @sexloveandot
Facebook: www.facebook.com/SexLoveAndOT/
Website: www.sexloveandot.com/

Sandra Phanita
IG: @sandra_phanita
Twitter: @praxisofphanita

Get Gilly by Erin Chen
IG and Twitter: @getgillycom
Website: www.getgilly.com

May Vutrapongvatana
IG and Twitter: @mayvutrapongvatana

Sex Ed with Tim
IG and Twitter: @sexedwithtim

Carina Hsieh
IG and Twitter: @carinahsieh

Dr. Catalina Lawsin
IG: @drcatalina_
Website: www.drcatalina.org

Jiz Lee
IG and Twiter: @jizlee
Website: www.jizlee.com

Sage
IG: @callme.sage
Facebook: www.facebook.com/authenticallysage
Website: www.authenticallysage.com

Rae Threat
IG and Twitter: @raethreat
Facebook: www.facebook.com/raethreat
Website: threat.tv/

Kenneth Play
IG: @Kennethplay
Twitter: @Kennethplay
Facebook: www.facebook.com/kennethplaypage/
Website: Kennethplay.com

Queen Layla
Twitter: @IAmQueenLayla
Website: www.4lsolutions.com/

Bianca Dowon Lee
IG: @bleedinginerotica
Twitter: @biancadowon
Website: www.bleedinginerotica.com

Maria Two-Traps (she/her)
IG: @_sexandsquats
Website: www.sexandsquats.org

Joey Estella, LMFT
Website: LAtherapy.weebly.com

Midori
IG and Twitter: @planetmidori"
Facebook: www.facebook.com/planetmidori
Patreon: www.patreon.com/planetmidori
Website: www.fortefemme.com

Jet Setting Jasmine
IG and Twitter: @jetsetjasmine
Facebook: www.facebook.com/jetsettingjasmine
Website: www.jsjlinks.com/

Sex Nerd Sandra
IG and Twitter: @sexnerdsandra
Patreon: www.patreon.com/sexnerdsandra

Mia Little
IG: @alittleedutainment

Harmony Lee
IG: @yourgaydanceteacher
Website: www.yourgaydanceteacher.com

Justine Fonte
IG and Twitter: @imjustineaf
Website: www.justinefonte.com/

Good Byes - Your Friendly Ghostwriter by Justine Fonte
IG: @_good.byes_

Sydney Rae Chin
IG: @sexysoupdumplings
Website: msha.ke/sexysoupdumplings/

Michelle Hy of Polyamorous While Asian
IG and Twitter: @polyamorouswhileasian
Facebook: www.facebook.com/polyamwhileasian
Website: polyamorouswhileasian.com/

Anna Lee from Lioness
IG: @annaisaverage
Twitter: @hisohee
Lioness Website: lioness.io/

Ti Chang from Crave
IG and Twitter: @designerti
Crave Website: lovecrave.com

Ann Nguyen
IG and Twitter: @theannnguyen
Website: www.theannnguyen.com

Dr. Varuna Srinivasan
IG and Twitter: @drarunasrinivasan
Website: www.varunasrinivasan.com/

Kei Karayan of Kasama Culture
IG: @kasamaculture

Rae Chen
IG and Twitter: @thenotice
Website: thenotice.net/

Share Your Nuance
IG and Twitter: @shareyournuance
Website medium.com/shareyournuance

Roots of Health
IG and Twitter: @rootsofhealth
Website: www.rootsofhealth.org

Rekha Raagopal
IG: @sexedwithrekha
Website: www.raisingsexpositivekids.com

Goddess Cecilia
IG and Twitter: @goddesscecilia
Facebook: www.facebook.com/goddesscecilia1276
Website: www.goddesscecilia.com

Leonore Tjia
IG: @dreamofthehuntress
Website: www.rewildingtheheart.com

Natalie Rose / ShesANatural
IG: @NatalieRose_fet
Twitter: @ShesANaturall
Facebook: www.facebook.com/NatalieRoseRope

N’Jaila Rhee
IG and Twitter: @BlasianBytch
Website: blasianbytch.com

BANG!: Masturbation for People of All Genders and Abilities - Edited by Vic Liu
IG: @bangforall
Purchase the Book: www.microcosmpublishing.com/catalog/books/11520

Frances G
IG: @themodernlifecoach [Personal IG] @_liberatingme [Podcast IG]
Facebook: www.facebook.com/modernlifecoach

Asians for Sex Positivity
IG: asiansforsexpositivity

This is by no means a complete list.

It’s so easy for all of us to get caught up in our own little part of the Sexuality Field and Industry. I know this isn’t at all a complete list. I’m certain I’m missing folks. I also started with highlighting specifically Asian Sexuality Professionals, but I think it’s important to expand the list to include Pacific Islander Sexuality Professionals. The original image I created is to the right.

Do you know somebody or are YOU an AAPI Sexuality Professional, Worker, Counselor, Therapist, Educator, Coach, Film Actor or Producer, Content Creator? Fill out the form below to be added to this ever-growing list:

Asian Sexuality Professionals Listing Request

If you would like to throw some support to Goddess Cecilia who has compiled and organized this listing, here’s how:

Throw some funds her way:
Venmo @GoddessCecilia
CashApp $GoddessCecilia
PayPal goddesscecilia at gmail dot com

Become a Patron on Patreon:
www.patreon.com/goddesscecilia

List of Asian Sexuality Professionals on Instagram

Goddess Cecilia 3/10/19 Goddess Cecilia 3/10/19

On Fame and Finding Your Footing: Thoughts about Abuse Allegations of Your Faves

Your fave is problematic, but you don’t have to be.

I feel like I have to say something. And yet, I'm not really sure what to say or if it even matters.

I loved Michael Jackson. I watched Thriller and the Making Of Thriller back to back all the time as a kid. I loved Moonwalker. His music videos were works of art, and you can see the influence of those videos in the music, choreography, and videos created by your faves today. I chose radio stations based on whether they played his music. I cried watching a concert on Pay Per View. His music and his talent left a lasting impression on me, especially as someone who loved playing music.

When the allegations first hit, I defended him. I also was silent to my family about my own history of child molestation at that time.

As I became more vocal about my history, I silently reckoned with my feelings about MJ and his music. I learned more about the psychology and the sociology, the implications and the consequences (or lack thereof) of sharing ones story as a survivor. It's treacherous, it's painful. It's not something I could ever take lightly at this point in my life.

I've known people who have been wrongly accused. I have a minimal understanding of how messed up the justice system is. I know that the system isn’t built to benefit survivors, nor is it built to help those who have been wrongly accused.

And that doesn't negate the COUNTLESS number of people who have been victimized and taken advantage of.

Every post of someone questioning the validity of someone's else's story about a famous person is extremely difficult for those of us who share our story about the people who were also well-loved and popular in our families and circles. Every person who chooses to uphold the art and music without duly criticizing the person who created them shows me that they care very little about the lives of survivors.

And yet, I know what it's like to be a survivor who struggles with the cognitive dissonance of caring for the abuser and being the abused. I still think of the music and the artistry, and I consider what his fame and his own history of abuse did to him. I can remember all the good it’s done for me, while not belittling the pain it might cause to others.

We all have to compartmentalize things in our brains so that we can carry on day by day. Some more than others. Some have the privilege of being able to ignore it completely.

I recognize how difficult it might be to choose caring for the lives and livelihoods of survivors, even if we're privileged in our own ways, especially if it means that you have to be uncomfortable and wrestle with whatever you want to consider as your morals.

Just consider it. Consider the people of whose stories you know and don’t know. Consider that perhaps conflicting thoughts can coexist. That they can coexist without continuing to harm survivors.

For me, as a survivor, my natural default now is to believe survivors. Because that’s where it needs to start. Because if we believe survivors, we now have to deal with the implications, with prevention, with protecting our most vulnerable, and potentially rehabilitating and providing help to those who continue to perpetrate violence.

Believing survivors means that we address the larger problem of misogyny and transmisogyny, or the unequal distribution of wealth and power, or institutionalized racism, or the ownership we feel on other people’s bodies.

It’s not even a start. It’s a shove. And we’ll all have to find a new way of walking through the world, as every survivor does every single day.

Goddess Cecilia 3/2/19 Goddess Cecilia 3/2/19

To Yoni Steam or Not To Yoni Steam

Sharing my personal experience with a yoni steam. For science.

What the heck is a Yoni Steam?

A yoni steam, a vaginal steam, a hip bath - they all describe a treatment that is meant to help with any issues that involve the vulva, vagina, ovaries, and related organs. It's a health practice in a variety of different cultures and countries, including South Africa, Thailand, Korea, and other Indigenous cultures. Though there isn't any scientific evidence of all the health benefits, many women and people with vulvas believe that it can aid in healing after childbirth, regulating menstruation and relieving menstrual pain, and treating yeast infections.

Then white women learned all about it, and it became a trendy part of a spa experience (Thanks Goop).

It became synonymous with getting a "clean" vagina, which is not how it's spoken about in the cultures that regularly practice yoni steaming. Just a quick reminder: Vaginas don't need cleaning. Part of the job of the vagina is to help remove bacteria from the body to protect the uterus, which is why there is vaginal discharge. Vaginal steaming does not "clean" a vagina.

Okay, but, like, would you try it?

I have to be honest, when I first learned about it through the lens of white women, I was angry about the hype over it. How could there be yet another procedure created to make people with vulvas feel awful about themselves? You might as well add some labiaplasty to your day!

When I learned that it was (of course) appropriated and more about the history of it, I softened up a bit. If non-Western cultures have practiced yoni steaming for thousands of years, then who am I to tell them it doesn't help in some way?

Look, I'm a huge fan of science. But I'm also a bit "Woo Light." I value evidence-based, comprehensive information, and I like to dabble in crystals and candles every new and full moon.

So, when I was with some fellow sex ed friends at a Korean Spa, feeling all relaxed and nurtured, and there was a sign for "hip baths," I had to give it a try. For science.

What did you have to do? What was it like?

Let's start with the fact that there are specific chairs being made out there just for yoni steaming. As no photography was allowed in nude areas, I sadly don’t have a picture of the stool.

Just go ahead and Google Image search "yoni steaming stools." Go for it. I'll wait...

*goes to pour a glass of wine*

*sips*

Oh, hey! You back?

Aren't you happy you did that Google search? It's amazing, isn't it? These adorable stools with little openings, made just for yoni steaming!

A little hot plate with a pot with water and herbs like rosemary, lavender, and mugwort fits right underneath. There are plenty of recipes online. I wouldn't suggest that you go and try to do this on your own unless you have an extensive knowledge of what the different herbs are for and how your body will interact with them.

Alright, so, not only are you sitting on this adorable stool, but you're also given a giant mu-mu-like covering. The elastic part stays around your neck, and the rest of it creates a tent around you, the stool, and the pot of herbs. The one I tried didn't have any sleeves or arm openings. It made for really awkward tea drinking, since the woman running the hip bath station gave us little cups of tea to enjoy while we steamed.

For the first 10 minutes or so while the pot is heating up to a boil, I didn't really feel much. It was certainly warm enough under the covering. I became really aware of the air between my vulva and pot beneath me. At around the 10-12 minute mark, all of a sudden, it becomes unreasonably hot. I was then VERY aware of the heat.

At some point, the woman turned the heat down on my hot plate so that the boil became more of a simmer. It was still quite warm, especially with the covering trapping most of the heat inside there. I could feel my whole body sweating. It was like my own personal sauna - except I was sharing the experience with other hip bathers in their own personal saunas.

Part of that sauna feeling was concentrated on my vulva. I was sweating around my vulva and mons so much, it almost felt like maybe I was accidentally urinating. I imagined that the sweat and the steam were mixing and dripping, which accounted for the urinating feeling.

Was my vagina absorbing all the nutrients from the herbs? Vaginas don't just randomly absorb things like that, especially since it's constantly trying to discharge any toxins. Also, it's not really about absorbing as it is about maintaining homeostasis. I assume that the vaginal walls are trying to compensate for all the heat and moisture from the herbal steam, thus discharging excess water and other toxins.

After about 30 minutes, the session is over. We got up, removed our mu-mus and placed them in a hamper. Then, we were happily on our way to enjoy the rest of our day at the spa.

So, what did you think? Would you do it again?

My friend reported that she felt much more refreshed afterwards. I personally didn't feel anything different per se. I don't do saunas very often, but I feel like it's the same "detoxed" feeling but just around my vulva.

In the following days, I noticed that my natural smell around my vulva area was a little different, more floral and herbal in a way. It wasn’t “bad.” Just…different.

I would totally do it again, though my personal body doesn’t need it as a regular practice. But I also don’t really need saunas that often either.

As you would expect, I would rather float around in a pool or get a massage as my version of self-care.

Final thoughts?

If reading this personal account makes you go, Naw, I’m good, then there you go. Yoni steams are in no way a requirement for people with vulvas.

If a yoni steam is something that interests you, and you have access to a place that offers this service, I say go for it! Only you can know whether or not it’s something that you would both enjoy and feel is useful for your body. I encourage you to do more research into what’s available for you, what happens at the specific location that offers it, and what different people (of color) think about this practice.

As with anything sexual health related, as long as it doesn’t harm another person and it’s consensual, You do you, babes!

Goddess Cecilia 2/20/18 Goddess Cecilia 2/20/18

Orgasms Galore! (An Infographic)

There's no one way to orgasm, and orgasms aren't always the goal!